I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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