i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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