Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
