He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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