so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
