Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
