okay pat passed out under dana's car
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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