what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
