you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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