Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
