So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
