somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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