I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
