I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
