I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
