There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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