we have pet lesbian snakes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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