The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
