so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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