You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why didn't you poke me back
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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