And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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