Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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