so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
