dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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