I showed him my bush... on skype.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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