I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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