Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
