and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
