He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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