So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
