I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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