eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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