she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
