the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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