Swine flu. Run for my life!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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