TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
