high people should be assigned attendants
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
