the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
