Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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