My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
