they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
