she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
