I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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