WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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