The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My cat gives me a boner
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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