There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
