my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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