i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
