He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
