Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
