Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
